Oscillate

As the clouds cry down and wet the soil,

in the dawn of here where I lay

amongst winged creatures

keeping shell within the sea of virtual,

with the bleak mumbles of people

existing in arguments, aggression and regiment

to which I find comfort,

knowing that the time in the day

will pass soon, that the evening sun is near

and the sky will go dark and heads will hit pillows,

it’s just another day in the world

to endure, a misfortune to many

if money did not sit so high in the pockets

of the world and if we were not forged,

into consumers, maybe happiness would be

or could be the answer to most of what we feel

the blossoming of seeds are coming

near now, the wet days of

dogs are beginning to come to an almost end,

it is like a caterpillar

eventually emerging into a butterfly

graceful, fluttering elegance

two weeks it will demise, verge upon the end

never actually being much more than a creature,

rot  the dirt and shielding the ground

two weeks or a year

that is mother-nature’s bestiality.

Maybe I am a butterfly

feeling like my days are numbered and the

depression of dying crumbles my mind

reflecting on becoming a walking piece of meat

like a cow, forced to reproduce and lactate

live somewhere I don’t want to be

the force that pushes us, formulating the path

in front of us, needs to show

show where I will die

whether it will be this way.

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Phantom.

It’s walking with me, Sometimes dances in shadows Flutters of memories Kindly wrecking my present, Noises of laughter Stretches staring into my eyes Snaps shouting hunger, thirst Run whilst you can, naive girl, Dumb, tough, independent Curious Rush, seconds, minutes, Time I have, clocks aren’t ticking My world is at a stop Is this it? […]

Catapillar stage.

Glance, stare, notice nothing but me, dark space blankness, blackness, humbleness. Seek your dreams and demons, tempt them and like inception, involvement. Tickle, tongue tied capability, hospitality, toxicity. Eat my words, swallow them seep into yourself and seek the answers I want you to find. Righteous, courageous, tremendous. A bundle is my joy, its a mistake temptation, frustration, lactation.

You inspire me and this is for you.

This isn’t something I do, I can put my feelings into words and make them seem like something artistic in a way. But this time, what I feel isn’t beautifully sad or touching, this is life. Life hurts, it beats you even if you think you’re on top of it. So despite everything, all those posts don’t matter, all those poems about that one person and what he does to me, are complete waste. All they do now is remind me of the pain, I never wrote anything happy about him or what I felt like being around him and now I regret it. I feel sick that I never let myself put down the times I cherish the most, the times that haunt my sleep. I’m sat in a dark room wanting things to stop, my thoughts to lay in motion and just continue with life without memories. It seems to be that the mind can be the most revengeful thing, when you give yourself to someone that’s it, there is no way of taking it back. I regret trusting you, letting myself give myself to you was the nail in my coffin. It’s the mentality that I gave you! I told you I was struggling! I told you I wasn’t coping and look where you’ve left me. I cannot understand how people can hurt each other everyday, what I do is just think about the people fighting with weapons, women being abused and people starving all around us, then my problems don’t mean a thing. But should they? I feel alone, lost and empty, I feel like I could harm myself and a baby for someone to look after. I gave up my start in life for some stupid childhood fantasy, I have no one to blame but myself and now I’m finding it hard to find a way out again. I don’t feel me, I feel I’ve destroyed myself for the past year, you abused me. You abused me. You abused me. Do you understand that? I couldn’t let go of you because you was all I knew, and you knew that. You never wanted me to be happy, you wanted to drag me out for all to see, you spoke horrible words behind my back because how would I ever know? 

You inspire me to hate you.

 

Stuck to the fridge.

Take a drink
Sip up the sweetness
Of my blood, look it’s black
Red in the light of air
In the air i turn into red
When in company
I breathe heavy, pile over
In fear or insecurity?
I don’t know which
You’re the doctor
Please tell me
Tell them to stop
I can’t live in this fantasy
In your lie that you live
I smile, let myself be yours
Why though? Love?
Compassion, honesty?
Lies, fibs, tells is everything
Nothing now, anything now?
Let it flow, be attacking
Walk, run leave, go
I can’t do it, live
Death death death
Shut up and listen to me
Breathe breathe breathe
Can’t be here, there, anywhere
Happy sad sad sad sad
Can’t touch feel, heal
In your memory I remain
Trying to be her
Because you’re ill
Dead, betrayed, hurt, angry
Everything I cant deal with
I’m sorry
Can’t apologise, be forgiven
It’s too late, it’s done, stone
I’m in purgatory, hell to me
Can’t fight it, survive the devil
Where is he? That’s the fear
Could be outside, window ledge
Waiting waiting waiting
So afraid of the future
Baby, house, career, when? How?
On my shoulder is nothing but
The devil, he’s there
What do I do? I cant hide
Drink up my own blood
Taste what’s so delicious in me
What keeps head, heart
Eat me up, ravish my body
Suck it all up, drink, drain
Shock me, hurt me, hit me
Push, whip, want to play?
Fuck me over, you know how.