It’s dawned on me. The fatal truth that has really struck me and stabbed me. I’ve come to know what it is going to be like. What there is now. What responsibilities and values I must uphold. Gone are those days where I could cry for mummy or ask daddy for something. Now I have to be my own parent. Now I can’t rely on anyone else, it’s me and its not my choice, it’s just how it is.
For a few days I have felt lost in my age. Having left school and taking a gap year, I feel all these pressures to be the adult. Now I have to make a bit of money, make those sacrifices of freedom I once had. I used to think I hated school, I now miss it, yet it had only been about a month since my last lesson. With school I could live in this illusion that there is something more out there…..for me I can’t see it.
I don’t want to be a slave to money. A scrap piece of paper.
I feel sick and angry at the world. Tonight I don’t look forward to the future in that to live well you must work well. I really hope I don’t end up in an office. I am now going to promise myself that no matter what I will try to get somewhere with this.
Life isn’t about working 9-5 in an office or shop selling products that are worthless for money that is made up. It’s all a game.
I’m not buying it. I’m not playing it. I am certainly not going to ignore it.