What’s wrong with me?!

Since last May, here I am. I sit here day by day, thinking, fantasying, dreaming and doubting about what’s going to happen in my life. It’s been hard. Waiting for things to happen can drive a person mad, and things are starting to take it’s toll. At eighteen I didn’t expect things to be like this. At thirteen I had my life planned:

1. Get good GCSEs

2. Get into Sixth Form

3. Get 5 A-levels above C

4. Go to University

5. Leave everything behind.

The thing is, life throws decisions at you that can change everything…and my decisions have been difficult. At christmas I moved out with my 16 year old (at the time) boyfriend . This you say is questionable but my family situation wasn’t helping me get through my A-levels. He gave me a way out, I had to take it. Now, I fell strongly in love with him. I could not leave, I achieved everything up to number three. 

I’m stuck in my town, searching jobseekers all day, commenting on all the jobs I’ve applied for with a bit of writing between. It’s unhealthy for me. I want to live, be free with money and security. It’s scaring me. Since May I’ve been in this seat. I have filled out all my Ucas for 2014, but what will I do until then. I’ve been job hunting for months and it’s stressing me out. It makes me wonder what’s wrong with me?! 

One thought on “What’s wrong with me?!

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