You inspire me and this is for you.

This isn’t something I do, I can put my feelings into words and make them seem like something artistic in a way. But this time, what I feel isn’t beautifully sad or touching, this is life. Life hurts, it beats you even if you think you’re on top of it. So despite everything, all those posts don’t matter, all those poems about that one person and what he does to me, are complete waste. All they do now is remind me of the pain, I never wrote anything happy about him or what I felt like being around him and now I regret it. I feel sick that I never let myself put down the times I cherish the most, the times that haunt my sleep. I’m sat in a dark room wanting things to stop, my thoughts to lay in motion and just continue with life without memories. It seems to be that the mind can be the most revengeful thing, when you give yourself to someone that’s it, there is no way of taking it back. I regret trusting you, letting myself give myself to you was the nail in my coffin. It’s the mentality that I gave you! I told you I was struggling! I told you I wasn’t coping and look where you’ve left me. I cannot understand how people can hurt each other everyday, what I do is just think about the people fighting with weapons, women being abused and people starving all around us, then my problems don’t mean a thing. But should they? I feel alone, lost and empty, I feel like I could harm myself and a baby for someone to look after. I gave up my start in life for some stupid childhood fantasy, I have no one to blame but myself and now I’m finding it hard to find a way out again. I don’t feel me, I feel I’ve destroyed myself for the past year, you abused me. You abused me. You abused me. Do you understand that? I couldn’t let go of you because you was all I knew, and you knew that. You never wanted me to be happy, you wanted to drag me out for all to see, you spoke horrible words behind my back because how would I ever know? 

You inspire me to hate you.