Phantom.

It’s walking with me, Sometimes dances in shadows Flutters of memories Kindly wrecking my present, Noises of laughter Stretches staring into my eyes Snaps shouting hunger, thirst Run whilst you can, naive girl, Dumb, tough, independent Curious Rush, seconds, minutes, Time I have, clocks aren’t ticking My world is at a stop Is this it? […]

Offer a lift, take me home Sing along to the story of my life Drill yourself in the head you’re crazy So they say, tell me Lies, lies lies spill out my dangerous mouth I feel hostile, aggressive,on edge, murderer Demons whisper loudly, you can’t hear I suffer, not in silence Crave attention, comfort I […]

Nice to see you Mr Rabbit

Tears stain my jeans

Colours them red, deep red

It’s not blood, I’m not real

Made of nothing, empty

I’m black, ash colored

Puff of smoke skin

Pure white mooneyes

Gazing into spirits

Of the gone, leaving

I’m waiting for souls

I notice, they wave

Goodbye, sometimes hello

I fail, the rabbit is late

White substance swims within

Lights up my neurons

Cravings being, stop, being

More holes, look into my arm

Fleshy mess, oozy, infected

Cleanse it with words

Get onto my knees, reach bible

Oh there’s a bit I dropped

Cravings stop

Ceiling turns turns turns

Come down the hole

Into wonderland

You’re late, you’re late

Come back home.

Institutional love.

Tender notes blare

Aggressively stabs the silence

Murders those demons

Those creepy thoughts

The emptiness of this cold room

With white walls,

Waiting for someone to walk in

But not just anyone, not a stranger,

A doctor, nurse, psychologist, therapist

Not a friend, I don’t know

….confused…

It’s taking its toll, work, work, work

Day by day then some nights

Hours pass, money comes in, so what?

The green in the bank means shit

I feel alone, bored, slave.

I wait, feel constantly in a line

Don’t want to wait, I want more

Might leave, might leave, might leave,

Doctor says no, not safe, too ill

He might rip out of me, sharp claws

Then eat me all up, yum.

Vulnerable soul me

Everyone is away again,

Don’t know where they go

Why make me wonder, fret

Having these constant worries

Silly, silly me

Why Yasmine, why why why?

You need help, shut up, stop

Leaving myself in your dirt

Like a spy, like a officer, dictator, detective

Why?

Why?

WHY?!

I think I will sleep, lay to rest

They will leave me alone, stop the prods

Interrogations, “Are you okay?”

“Yes”

The bitter truth that I am entering adulthood

It’s dawned on me. The fatal truth that has really struck me and stabbed me. I’ve come to know what it is going to be like. What there is now. What responsibilities and values I must uphold. Gone are those days where I could cry for mummy or ask daddy for something. Now I have to be my own parent. Now I can’t rely on anyone else, it’s me and its not my choice, it’s just how it is.

For a few days I have felt lost in my age. Having left school and taking a gap year, I feel all these pressures to be the adult. Now I have to make a bit of money, make those sacrifices of freedom I once had. I used to think I hated school, I now miss it, yet it had only been about a month since my last lesson. With school I could live in this illusion that there is something more out there…..for me I can’t see it.

I don’t want to be a slave to money. A scrap piece of paper.

I feel sick and angry at the world. Tonight I don’t look forward to the future in that to live well you must work well. I really hope I don’t end up in an office. I am now going to promise myself that no matter what I will try to get somewhere with this.

Life isn’t about working 9-5 in an office or shop selling products that are worthless for money that is made up. It’s all a game.

I’m not buying it. I’m not playing it. I am certainly not going to ignore it.